30 Day Music Challenge: Day 9

9. A song that makes you happy :

Matthew Wilder – Break my Stride

My go to song for life, if I’m ever feeling down or need a quick Tony Robbins, pep, this is the one…

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30 Day Music Challenge: Day 8

8. A song about drugs or alcohol –

Marcy’s Playground – SEX & CANDY

I’m not sure if it’s about drugs, but to me it is…

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30 Day Music Challenge: Day 7

7. A song to drive to –

The Cars – Drive

The title makes it seem easy, but it really does make me miss having a car for those night time rides with my emo playlists…

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30 Day Music Challenge: Day 6

6. A song that makes you want to dance –


This is my friends band from Trinidad. Hes pretty much blown up and worldwide and too cool for me by now, but either way, I have pictures to prove we hung out lol!

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30 Day Music Challenge: Day 5

5. A song that needs to be played loud –

A tie between…




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30 Day Music Challenge: Day 4

4. A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about:


I think it annoys me more that this song is cheesy and reminds me of someone…

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30 Day Music Challenge: Day 3

3. A song that reminds you of summertime –


I heard this song when in my first summer as a citizen of NYC. Will always remind me walking down 5th ave, melting, but like I still owned the world…

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30 Day Music Challenge: Day 2

2. A song you like with a number in the title –

Sublime – 40 OZ TO FREEDOM 

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Who promised you tomorrow?

“Bad habits are easier to abandon today than tomorrow.”

– Yiddish Proverb
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Amber’s New Year Resolution

#345234 – Do everything opposite of what i was doing before when it comes to dating.

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30 Day Music Challenge: Day 1

I’m starting a 30 day Music challenge just for a little introspection and the melancholy lifestyle that winter tends to have me prescribe to:

1. A song you like with a color in the title

Miles Davis – Blue in Green

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Empathy vs. Sympathy

Walking in someone else’s shoes. Try it on for size, even if it’s not your own…

“Sympathy is to understand what someone feels. Empathy is to project your imagination so that you actually feel what the other person is feeling.”
– Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face

If you knew you could not fail…




  • Surf
  • Sing on Stage
  • Jump out of a plane

Well two out of three ain’t bad…

To Myself and the Ones I Love…

This year I’m not sure if I found myself more than any other year. I’ve always had a strong sense of self, but in this particular year, having experienced the best of times and the worst of times, I now know:

  • I can survive without cable, the Kardashian’s, Nene Leakes, and any other show on Bravo or E!, but that I’m just as demented for watching 118 hours of Lost on Netflix.
  • That being a politician or a referee on Facebook is definitely funnier to watch than to partake in. Why watch the news when Brian from my sophomore history class will detail me on Pro Life and how the Dolphins did in the first quarter.
  • That falling in love is like ordering Chinese Food; easy to do and harder to get out of, whether it’s adding to your thighs or adding on to your emotional baggage, its unavoidable.  But that when it happens to take in all the good bits as much as you can, and if it spoils a bit earlier than expected, with a head held high and a new sweater dress, Ill be fine.
  • That NYC is the greatest city on earth, but that’s probably the Stockholm syndrome talking. This city is crazy.
  • That laughter is most likely the only way I’ll survive this post apocalyptic world and that hopefully zombies get my sense of humor.
  • That Miami is probably the best part of who I am (so far) but that it doesn’t define who I am.
  • Who I am today is not the same as who I’ll be 26 years from now. Opening myself to change makes Tomorrow’s Jessica a little more less likely to make the decisions of same old Yesterday’s Jessica. I look forward to that.
  • That my future is only brought closer by what I do today, so to attain the dream I must realize the current reality and get ir ‘done with my resources at hand.
  • That I got really deep without the help of “gluffing” or “saving the planet” and that it may be time to wean myself from that. Or Ill just Google how often Judd Apatow does it and give myself an excuse to go back.
  • How critical it is to scope out 99 cent pizza and spinach and egg recipes when you get another job that pays you once a month (aka how important it is to save money and not have to do that).
  • The importance of getting to know your neighbors when you are locked out, need a package signed for, or find out they are having another party you aren’t invited too.
  • That coexisting is as hard as it seems, but not trying to make it work makes things even harder and that communication is always the source of the issue.
  • That understanding someone, in relation to the last note, is really a learning experience for yourself and your relationship with the person. That once you know how to understand one person, with everything you have, that everything else in your world gets a little easier. Learning yourself through others shouldn’t be taken for granted.
  • But also in relation to that, you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink it. Thanks to Chachi on that.
  • That although I have enjoyed websites like My Friends Are Married, and enjoy an occasional scoff at all of the engagements and babies filling my newsfeed, the sonograms of Seni’s little one wont leave my desktop, nor will Jenny’s little Kaleb leave my dresser. I’m so excited to see their little ones grow and open to see what their relationships teach me.
  • How to Marry someone. I married two of my best friends and it couldn’t have been a more awesome experience to be a part of. They have already taught me loads separately and to help bring them together is more rewarding than getting out of bed without hitting my snooze button 10 times. Much more.
  • Doing great things for others brings great things to you, small or big. That you shouldn’t do it for others in expectation, but just expect your world to be a little brighter because you did.
  • I learned my self worth, and it can be easy to forget at times. But more than ever I recognize my importance and the personal wealth I have to give.
  • The value of falling flat on your face, after trying and trying again is worth more than I could have imagined. Although I still may be pulling myself up from a recent fall, I’m higher than where I was before.  I will always keep my eyes on the stars, with my feet on the ground.
  • That my emotions can’t take the driver seat. My head and my heart are on two separate continents, and I truly believe in following my heart. But after watching a Rom Com marathon and having a glass of wine, stay away from Facebook, your phone, and any member of the opposite sex.
  • That I am ready to leave the Age of the Observer that I have entered into since moving here, but to the Age which has me bring all I’ve come to learn into manifestation. My ideas must now be released and allowed to set flight.
  • And  lastly, that I do like cats, and love one in particular…


I thank my friends who listened to me for GCHAT’s and phones calls on end about where I’m at, and helped me to where I am going. I hope that I was as good to them as they were to me. If not I’ll try a little harder.

2013 Ill try a little harder with everything, especially with my Family who I miss more and more each day. A promise to myself and the ones I love.

“Leave this world a little better than how you found it” – Jason Mraz

Oh Hey, 2012

With my last post titled “Slacking, but not Really” this would be the sequel to that.

Since then, especially since the last month alone, my life has changed completely. Thru job losses, to job gains, to job losses and job gains a”gain”. To a new roommate via Craigslist, of all places, and dodging the possibilities of him being the Craigslist killer as my friend so not-causing-me-to-be-paranoid-and-googling-the-shit-out-0f-him put it. To moving two months later, adding another roommate to the equation, a block over. To the reality of living with two guys. To living out the two guys, a girl and an Astoria pizza place 90’s scene. (It was a tv show, please google) To a love life as confusing as the 90’s. (possibly google-able)

But it’s all good. It really is.

If I could sum it up in word, Mary Poppins would be tongue-tied. So basically I can’t. The whirlwind of NYC is going strong and I feel like my feet are finally planted on the ground here. The question is for how long, as I speak to my Florida friends and they ask when am I coming “home”?. And I agree, it still is my home. I still wonder why there isn’t a Chick-fil-A or Lime down the street. I still think about how many times I’ve missed Church aka the Beach on Sundays.

If anything, Frank Ocean, is helping me sum up this time in my life. His album Channel Orange is constantly playing on my iPod and if not there, it’s on repeat in my head. Mainly “Monks” while I  “mosh for enlightenment”.  I was a little “Lost” for a bit, but now I am more of a “Sweet Life” melody. My “It’s Complicated” playlist is on repeat as well, which will stay on private away from my Facebook share fest. Yet my obsession with Hall & Oates and Barbra Streisand will continuously be posted to News feed via Spotify, because that is not embarrassing…at all.

Life is good. Life is entertaining. Life is giving me more to write about. There is always something to write about it. Yet the inertia to pick up my pen, or give my opposable thumb a day job on my phones note pad, is not always present and should not be ignored. I won’t ignore it.

Slacking, but not really

Im back to blogging b/c for the past few months (aka year) I have been solely focused on looking for a new job, especially since 2012 has started. I’ve interviewed with some of the most amazing companies from Gucci to Clear Channel’s CEO John Sykes. Both who did not hire me. Be sure of it when I’m newsworthy enough for a memoir, I will dedicate a chapter to how lucky they could have been to have me. Until then, call me! But luckily/blessed enough, I have landed a job as Merchandiser for XTreme Time. I am really excited to be able to be creative in my day job finally! I am on the the path to becoming the Creative Director I’ve dreamed to be. If I become something else later on, let it be, but Im on my way nevertheless. Hard work does pay off, eventually. Right when I was close to giving it up and planning to go back to Miami, New York pulled me right on back in. It was a great way to celebrate being here for a year officially in April. So far what New York has taught me is definitely memoir worthy. Heres to filing the pages 🙂

Here are some of the boards I made for the interview:



I am super excited to get started and I cant wait to share with you my creations and inspirations.

New name idea? Mermaid Merchandista?

Church on a Saturday

Today I was blessed enough to turn my TV to CNN exactly as Whitney’s Funeral Service began.

To wake up on a day off and watch people mourn over the loss of a loved one may not seem ideal in most instances, but it was for Whitney. A week ago when the world found out of her passing, I immediately begin crying. I wasnt sure if I was being dramatic post listening to my Best of Broadway playlist, but I felt like I lost a friend.

Today it all hit. Growing up with Whitney made it feel like a part of me died with her. Not lost, just somewhere else. Alicia Keys spoke today saying it was obvious to her that Whitney crept into all of our hearts. Since Donnie Mcclurkin sang “Stand” early in the service, the waterfall from both my eyeballs have been on a full steady flow. I grew up going to different churches through the years. Since going off on my own, I have kept my relationship with God, but as far as keeping my Sunday Church visits, they have been amiss. Today I yearned for that back in my life. The world went to Church today and I will never forget this feeling, I pray I don’t. If Whitney’s voice was for this day alone, then that is something to be thankful for. Yet we all know it was so much more. It stinks to realize it All at Once in such sad times, but then it all becomes celebrated times, All at Once. With the love of music that I have always carried, Whitney’s voice was a triumphant part of that love. Her songs, her words, her voice will all shine a little bit brighter than before. We will listen a little bit harder to that message that was channeled thru her. Hopefully we will all learn a little bit better today how precious life is and how precious Gods love is. I love Whitney. Just a week or two before she died I was blasting her greatest hits singing at the top of my lungs, annoying my neighbors I’m sure. Still, I can’t stop singing, and I wont. I thank Whitney for being human, humble, and a hero for girls like me who grew up watching Woman like her.

For Sale!

Before leaving Miami I sold one, count em 1, painting. Everything else I painted pro bono, because I was not yet a starving artiste. Now that I am New Yorker (pending) and questioning if my next career move should be on the corner of 42nd and 5th singing Broadway’s greatest hits in the morning rush hour, it’s time to start selling those paintings. Check out my art page if there is something that sparks your interest and wallet and empty space on your wall.




Reasons to be Free

For 2012, I am leaving my blog to be free, no stress to hit a number, just free to be what the day calls for it.

Today it calls for more music.

While reading Breaking Dawn I have become an ultimate mush fest. This is why I delayed reading this book for so long. I knew Id Twihard myself into a delirium of daydreaming and love songs.

For once I can say its better to see the movie first then read the book. Because the book gives you more details and you have the image of where they were from the movie already in mind. I.e. I know when Im reading the parts narrated by Jacob about how many abs he is flexing per breath.

There are a few songs I can’t stop playing due to this Twihard syndrome:

“Flightless Bird”  Iron & Wine

“Turning Page”  Sleeping at Last

Mix those two with a song from a recent movie I saw called Submarine [a Brit pic, dark romance, with an awesome soundtrack musically supervised by Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys].

The song:

“Hiding Tonight” Alex Turner

Put on the candles, break out your Team Jacob shirt, a jar of Nutella and you have yourself a ball.

2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 4,600 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

[#786-#2,011]: Hail to the New Year

My goal for my blog last year was to post 2,011 reasons of being happy, so to do some major catching up and reach the 2,011 reasons of happiness on New Years day, I am thankful for:

Surviving in NYC for 267 days so far since moving here in April.

Post Conde Nast getting Conde Nasty on me and dropping me before I even started, getting a job at Glitterrings and having worked there for 214 days.

Through the harsh reality of finding an apt n NYC, I am thankful for finding my haven in Astoria and being eviction free for 153 days.

The 210 “Drunky Bears” (gummy bears soaked in Vodka) we inhaled yesterday for New Years resulting in me waking up with a broken toenail and stories about me dancing way too hard. Both which I dont remember occuring.

Finding out that Chachi will be having another baby Chachi on the way. And also for the current baby Chachi, Avany Joy, who is seriously one of the coolest short people I know.

My friend Amber leaving a turkey wrap with avocado in the fridge for me and for also holding my hair while I puked Drunky bears (another thing I don’t remember)

For Horrible Bosses arriving from my Netflix queue yesterday and comforting me in my Drunky Bears hangover.

That there are no video or pictures of me dancing. (I hope)

For my robot I painted saying bad words in Japanese, whose name is Herman.

For Sparkling wine and strawberries and red shoes.

For the Love I already have in my life and for more to come.

For my e-reader my Mom got me for Christmas.

For Breaking Dawn on my e-reader, although I have hope which will most likely go unfulfilled that Jacob will knock my door down soon and imprint on me.

For Excedrin.

For the Candy Store across the street that I really think is a cover store for drugs but supplies me with Snickers and Starburst and Ginger Ale.

For BeingNlightened.

That although I was once afraid of 2012 after watching too many History Channel specials on the Mayans, I welcome what the year brings with arms wide open. I am thankful already for the next 365 days. Its going to be the year where I get everything I’ve been working for.

oh yeah and for this song I heard in a movie today…

[#784 & #785]: What are you doing NYE? & “Adorkable”

For Zooey being….



A combination of the words dork and adorable. An overly intellectual person who is nerdy, dorky and a bit geeky but in an adorable and endearing way that becomes desirable. It’s meant to be a compliment.
General examples from tv would be the character’s ‘Ross’ from “Friends”, ‘Jim’ from “The Office”, and for obvious reasons ‘Chuck’. It is Steve Jobs, Conan O’Brien, Chuck Klosterman, Malcolm Gladwell, and Rachel Maddow. John Cusack in an 80’s movie. An extreme example is Woody Allen depending on how old he was when he starred in the film you are watching.
The ratio of adorkability rises when said nerd/geek becomes successful in business and switches from glasses to contact lenses.
“Did you see when Ross proposed to Rachel last night on “Friends”? He is so adorkable!”
“That girl over there with her hair up in a scrunchy, drinking her double mocha non fat latte and doing the NY Times crossword puzzle..is so adorkable.”
“What are you doing New Years Eve”

[#782 & #783]: Last Day & Vesica

Last day of work in 2011 🙂 In grown up world, this is something like christmas morning.

I plan to spend the rest of it as Vivica with Vesica and good friends.

So heres to #783: for not necessarily named after me but most likely put in the Astoria universe for me. A hybrid of Vodka & Jessica or Vivica & Jessica = Vesica. $11 of hell and a good time.

[#781]: Ring Round my Rosie

From Get Him to the Greek

I wish this could play on the radio…


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[#780]: Chandra’s Fashion Show

My friend Chandra recently had a fashion show for her swimwear line at Club Play in Miami. I am so proud to see her dreams come to fruition, and this is only the beginning. Be sure to check out her site for a bevy of gorgeous styles to expose the goddess within. Below are some shots from the fashion show and also reasons to feel guilty about the extra scoop of ice cream you just had for desert. Oh well its winter…

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[#779]: Fear & the New Year

Recently I have had a case of something a bit stronger than procrastination. Some might call it a case of seasonal depression with winter making its road trip towards our region. I’m guessing Jack Frost is driving in a pinto because apparently I’m lucky for not being knee-deep in snow already. Since I don’t have a blizzard to thank or a life threatening pneumonia, I don’t know who to thank for my stall of expressionism in the past months. No one but myself. I have had my case of the Mondays and the every day ending in Y’s before. Im a girl, we get our monthly visitor debilitating us for at least 2 weeks at a time, including the mood swings. Ive hated my job before. Hated bills and customer service calls before. And through these things I still made art, still wrote poems before bed, still blogged. But lately, the idea of picking up a brush or typing a post has had me at odds. I’m not sure why. It could be lack of inspiration which is frightening for the fact I moved to New York in the idea it was the mecca of inspiration. Maybe its that everyone here has something close to a Harvard degree. That there are people who havent even graduated highschool but have more work experience than me, including a stint at Vogue. New York is a wide eye opening experience yes, but it turns out its widely opening my eyes to the staggering amount of concentrated competition within 5 blocks of each other. For a bit I have been hiding my art, and words, afraid of what a New York mind might say of it. Not that any other mind from any other state is not of important judgement, but a NY Accent combined with the New York sneer in a disapproving manner could have sent Picasso back to the drawing board.

In realizing this as my first step of the 12 Steps to conquering a NYC state of mind, Im on my way out of the fear zone. While being from Miami has its flare, not being from New York has its scrunchie in my hair. Its like a half blood at Hogwarts. But the thing about New York is using those differences to your advantage. About finding the X factor in all situations, while mostly importantly being on your feet, on the tips of your toes.

Demystifying certain things about myself recently and using it my advantage has made me realize that I have much more to offer to this NYC tenure for however long it may be, which is up to me. What the next 11 steps are to becoming a Wall St giant, the next Terry Richardson, and/or the black Carrie Bradshaw of course, I have no clue. Who the fcuk does? (yes FCUK). Yet thats the funny thing about this city. Hearing story after story of people stumbling upon success in bar, a lunch cafe, a bookstore. Unexpected situations and meetings kickstarting a career or a dream.  The city is wide open with doors to different, huge, opportunities. Sometimes these doors are locked, sometimes they are cracked open with chain holding it ajar where you can peek thru slightly, or sometimes, if your’e lucky enough, its wide open, the doorstep says “welcome” and theres even a free breakfast inside (with the calories listed per entree).

Im changing the voice in my head. Even the accent. Today its Ben Kingsley as Ghandi telling me “Yes I can”, “You are Perfect”, “Love yourself”.Next week it might be Ryan Gosling telling me if I write another chapter that he will definitely meet me for lunch the next day. Whichever it is, I am on my way to the Veni, Vedi, Vici story for myself in New York. Conquering myself, check. Now time to conquer my dreams. An Orange in an Apple making a success smoothie.

[#778]: Conversations with Dad

Yesterday when my Dad called, it felt like the first grown up call we had as father and daughter.

He was talking to me about my stepmom and having his moments with her where basically she was playing her role as the CFO of their bank accounts and he just wanted to make it rain.  Something like girl talk. Instead of indulging in the opportunity to gab I simply told him, its good to have a ying to his yang. My dad’s response:

“But sometimes I just want to Yang my Yang!”

That was the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while.

Another example of conversations with my Dad:

What the heck is my dad doing with all the incense?

Im too scared to find out what the heck Black Love smells like.

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[#796 – #777]: “Talihina Sky” Kings of Leon

Watching the doc “Talihina Sky” made me think of what it was like to grow up with a mother who was all about the Bible and leading a life for God away from the devil down in Georgia.  I was ready to run always, waiting for my first taste of freedom away from the life of a Sunday School girl. After watching the Kings of Leon’s story coming from a similar place made me think different and how lucky I was to have that. A foundation in the south. I might have gone out to Miami and dabbled around and partied a little harder than my mother would approve, but at the end of the day I’m still the little girl from Redan Elementary, chasing rabbits and eating honey suckles. No matter where I am, no matter who Im with, no matter what Im wearing, its still the same old me. Sometimes I need a reminder. For now it will be this song, because the second you forget your roots is the second you forget who you are.

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